Distressed or De-Stressed?!

I shared a message recently at LifeWay Community Church that seemed to hit home for several people so I thought I would give you a quick Cliff Notes version -

There are many sources of stress in our lives but today I want to narrow it down to two of the majors -

1. Not accepting responsibility for obligations that belong to us.
2. Accepting responsibility for obligations that don't belong to us.

The story of Jonah is a perfect example of both. In Chapter 1 God gives him a responsibility that he decides to shirk. It ends up costing him greatly. While the storm rages he is fast asleep in the hold of the ship. Here is the takeaway - ignoring the responsibilities in our lives doesn't make them go away. On the contrary. Ignored responsibilities eventually become problems. More often than not the sooner you deal with a situation the better. Don't let that mole hill become a mountain! One of the ways we ignore the problem is by wasting time placing blame. At the end of the day your life is your responsibility and no one else's. Quit giving control away to everyone else, take responsibility and empower yourself to change your life. Your marriage, your family, your health, your wealth, your career, your retirement, your church and your relationship with God are your responsibility! The consequence of Jonah's refusal was of course he was viciously consumed by a great white shark. We know this because Scripture tells us that he was swallowed by a great fish. First a whale is not a fish and second there are only a couple of sharks (which are fish) big enough to eat a man whole (and whale sharks are not man eaters). This is not just my irrational shark phobia talking, it's Bible truth!

Now in Chapter 2 he comes to his senses and prays for God's salvation. God then causes that perfect killing machine to 'deposit' him on the shore. In Chapter 3 he begrudgingly goes to the city of Ninevah to warn them of the impending judgment. They repent and God relents but that isn't the end of the story. In Chapter 4 we see Jonah perched on a hill waiting to see the Ninevites get theirs. When they don't he becomes angry because, and get this, God is compassionate and slow to anger. Of all the things to get mad about?!? To teach him a lesson God makes a plant to grow to provide shade for Jonah. Later God kills the plant and Jonah pitches a fit worthy of a 2 year old in Walmart. The problem is now Jonah is trying to take upon himself the responsibility that belongs to God. God is mankind's judge, not Jonah. We worry so much about things that aren't ours to worry about. We become so critical of people for decisions that are not ours to make. At the end of the day it is really an issue of trust. Do we trust a perfect God to take care of us and work through imperfect people?

I want to leave you with 2 thoughts -

1. Whatever you are facing you don't have to do it alone. If you are willing God is faithful every step of the way.
2. Others are depending on you. Jonah's choices affected both his fellow passengers and the 120,000 residents of Ninevah.

...and 2 questions -

1.  What is that one thing that needs to be done to move you forward in your family, your career and/or your relationship with God?
2. What responsibilities are you carrying right now that don’t belong to you?

 It's your life and you are in charge!

Lessons I've Learned While Mowing My Lawn.

I recently asked our ministry team a question -

“What’s the difference between maintenance, momentum and moving forward?”

I received several great responses. Here are the highlights -

• Maintenance - the ongoing energy required to keep things functioning at the current levels.
• Momentum - the residual energy from previous efforts.
• Moving Forward - the intentional energy needed to raise the bar to a higher level.

The 2nd Law of Thermodynamics basically states that things left unattended tend to degrade. That means that we have to work just to keep the status quo. Let’s look at a simple example -

I mow my lawn 2-3 times each month in the summer. After a couple of weeks you can’t tell that I did anything. A couple of weeks later the place looks like a jungle. Let it go any longer and kids start to go missing. You have to work just to stay were you are at. It’s called ‘maintenance’. Now the first cut of the year always seems to take a little longer. I have to pick up branches that fell over the winter, spread fresh mulch and fertilizer and just to be honest I put off that first cut as long as possible. After that initial cut it gets easier as long as I stay on top of it. That’s called ‘momentum’. You are riding the wave of your past work. Momentum is a funny thing - it makes you look better than you really are when it is headed the right direction and worse than you really are when it’s against you. Here’s the deal, you can only ride it for so long before it starts to lose its effectiveness. Now if I want to get my yard ‘moving forward’ that’s a whole different deal altogether. I’ve got to come up with a plan, round up the troops, invest in some additional resources and get to work. A nice fire pit in the backyard would be a great addition to our home and a wonderful place to hang out with family and friends. No amount of maintenance or momentum is going to make that happen.

If we want to get our lives moving forward then it is going to take an intentional and additional effort compared to what we are currently doing. It’s the old adage, ‘you get out of life what you put into it.’ After I received all the responses I shot back a follow up email -

So which are you doing in -

Your walk with God?
Your marriage?
Your family?
Your ministry?
Your health?
Your wealth?

No response necessary but I would highly encourage you to wrestle with the answers for yourself.

You may find it to be a worthwhile exercise. I believe that God has great things in store for you. Jacob had to wrestle for his blessing (Genesis 32) and you might have to as well.

“The reason most people do not recognize an opportunity when they meet it is because it usually goes around wearing overalls and looking like Hard Work.” - Henry Dodd

Wisdom & Strength

We just wrapped up our Equipped 2014 conference presented by Covenant Life Ministries and hosted by New Covenant Church. God’s presence was incredible, the speakers were amazing and getting to catch up with old friends from around the globe was great. The theme this year was Re-Generational. We are totally aware that it’s not a real word but it is a powerful concept. To realize that God, not to mention 2000 years’ worth of faithful men & women, have passed the baton on to us is humbling. To understand that we have the responsibility of preparing the next generation to carry on the cause is sobering.

We must finish well. In order to do that we must live and work for something bigger than ourselves. We must realize that true success cannot occur without a successor. I’m not talking about passing along an organization or a position - not to say those are necessarily bad things. What I mean is that we must equip people to lead and then empower them to do so. Jesus is still building His church, day by day, year by year and generation by generation.

There are so many sad stories in the Scriptures about one generation failing the next - Eli & his sons, Samuel and his sons, Solomon and Rehoboam and the list goes on. The entire book of Judges is like Bill Murray in ‘Groundhog Day’ - History repeating itself over and over. Every time God raised up a judge the people would repent and then the judge dies and the pandelerium ensues. So tragic and so unnecessary!

“See, I will send the prophet Elijah to you before that great and dreadful day of the Lord comes. He will turn the hearts of the parents to their children, and the hearts of the children to their parents; or else I will come and strike the land with total destruction.” - Malachi 4:5-6 (NIV)

Generations must learn to cooperate and not to just tolerate one another. We must truly love and value each other because every generation has something of value to offer. What could we accomplish if we married the wisdom of one generation with the energy the next? Or the creativity of a teenager and the perspective of a senior? We would be unstoppable!

One generation thinks the music is too loud and another wants to crank it up. One grew up holding hymn books and another with projection screens. One remembers the stained glass and another wants LED lights and fog machines. At the end of the day what really matters is that we all have something to offer and we need each other to achieve our common calling. It’s something the Apostle Paul understood -

“You then, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus. And the things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable people who will also be qualified to teach others.” - 2 Timothy 2:1-2 (NIV)

Hopefully we get it too, and sooner rather than later. We need to pass the baton, not the buck - and that applies to the young, the wise and those of us somewhere in between.

Alternate Reality

This past weekend we had an incredible worship event at our Clayton Campus called Ignite. We spent about an hour just soaking in God’s presence and I believe that worship is a rich environment in which to hear the voice of the Lord. That evening I sensed that people had allowed their situations to redefine their reality instead of trusting God at His word. We’ll get back to that in a moment but for now I want to share a passage of Scripture with you.

“As Jesus went on from there, two blind men followed him, calling out, “Have mercy on us, Son of David!” When he had gone indoors, the blind men came to him, and he asked them, “Do you believe that I am able to do this?” “Yes, Lord,” they replied. Then he touched their eyes and said, “According to your faith let it be done to you”; and their sight was restored.” - Matthew 9:27-30a (NIV)

Many of us have walked through an extended season of challenges. Maybe it’s an illness, or a grown child who has lost their way or perhaps you were looking forward to retirement until the economy took a nosedive. Anyway as the days turned to weeks and the weeks to years we have accepted our current circumstances as our new fate. Remember that Psalm 23 says God takes us ‘through’ not ‘to’ the valley of the shadow of death. Don’t get me wrong, God rewards faithfulness. It’s not like we’ve given up and quit on God, but we’ve lost sight of the calm waters and green pastures that are waiting for us on the other side. We’ve pushed God’s blessing off into eternity because it’s safer that way. We wouldn’t want to get our hopes up after all!

Let me make one thing clear - Jesus healed these two guys THIS SIDE of heaven! And He did it according to their faith not His. So what do you believe God is able to do? Seriously. Can He heal you? Can He reach your lost loved one? Can He provide for you abundantly in spite of the economy? A good friend of mine once told me that, “Faith isn’t denying the facts. It is demanding that they submit themselves to God’s truth.” Don’t settle for any less than God’s absolute best for you. Don’t let the world, the devil or any situation determine your reality. It’s time to get your hopes up again!

Parenting 101

First let me state for the record that I am not an expert when it comes to parenting. I have made my fair share of mistakes and am so thankful for God's (and my kids') grace. I do however have some personal experience and as a former youth pastor years of observing what works and what doesn't.

# 1 - Quit raising kids and start raising adults. I’m not suggesting that we rob them of their childhood and expect 6 year olds to act like 60 year olds. We do, however, keep our eyes on the goal which is to prepare them to be successful members of society. If they can’t make good and Godly decisions on their own by the time they are 17-18 we have failed them. That doesn’t mean that they don’t appreciate our wisdom and experience it just means we have trained them well and instilled in them the confidence that they need to succeed. That means we need to let them make mistakes (within reason) and accept responsibility for the outcomes. If you will be their parent when they are children then you get to be their friend when they are adults. If you choose to be their friend when they are children then you have to be their parent when they are adults.

# 2 - Invest in their walk with God. Get them involved in church - not just attending but participating and serving. Studies indicate that 80% of church going kids walk away from God when they move out of the house. But for kids who had a meaningful role in the church 80% of them remained. Get them serving somehow, somewhere and the sooner the better. Teens need to find own relationship with God and not just their parents. Send them to conferences, on mission trips, etc. and PLEASE don’t punish them by grounding them from church.

# 3 - Help them to discover their calling in Christ. God has a plan and a purpose for every person, not just those in professional ministry. We need Christian doctors and teachers and mechanics and business owners just as we need pastors, missionaries, etc. They need to know that success in life is fulfilling what God created them to be and to do.

# 4 - Teach them that the world doesn’t revolve around them. Because it doesn’t. If they have to discover that after 18 years of being told otherwise it’s going to hurt. I’ve seen too many kids blindsided by college professors and first bosses with the harsh reality of life. Get them volunteering in their church and community on a regular basis.

# 5 - Train them to fight their own battles. Obviously they need to know that we are there for them and we need to intervene at age appropriate moments. You won’t always be there for them and if they can’t stand up for what is right on their own they are in trouble. If we step in or let them quit at the first sign of trouble how are they ever going to make a marriage work?

# 6 - Be the person you want them to become. ‘Do as I say not as I do’ just doesn’t work. Model the attitudes and actions you want them to have. Let me say it another way. Deal with your own issues so they don’t have to. Blond hair, blue eyes and high cholesterol aren’t the only things we pass along.

# 7 - Finally, pray, pray and pray some more. I believe that God can and does make all the difference in the world.

“Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it.” - Proverbs 22:6 NASB

What Am I Missing?

I was reading through Mark’s account of the life of Christ when I came across the following passage -

“Immediately Jesus made his disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to Bethsaida, while he dismissed the crowd. After leaving them, he went up on a mountainside to pray. Later that night, the boat was in the middle of the lake, and he was alone on land. He saw the disciples straining at the oars, because the wind was against them. Shortly before dawn he went out to them, walking on the lake. He was about to pass by them, but when they saw him walking on the lake, they thought he was a ghost. They cried out, because they all saw him and were terrified. Immediately he spoke to them and said, “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.” Then he climbed into the boat with them, and the wind died down. They were completely amazed, for they had not understood about the loaves; their hearts were hardened.” - Mark 6:45-52 NIV

The last statement hit me like a ton of bricks.

Please bear with me for just a moment. We ONLY see what we see and that is ALL that we see. The problem is that we inaccurately assume that all that we see is all that there is to see. Have you ever been driving along and go to change lanes only to have a car suddenly appear right beside you? It’s almost like it materialized completely out of thin air. The car has been there all along, we just couldn’t, wouldn’t or didn’t see it. It’s called a blind spot. We all have them. Many of us just refuse to acknowledge that fact.

If guys who walked and talked and worked and lived and laughed and cried with Jesus could miss it is it at all possible that I/we might be missing something too? So I began to ask myself, “Self, where is your heart hardened? What is it that you are unaware of in your life? What is God showing you that you just aren’t seeing?” I’m convinced that I still have MUCH to learn from the Holy Spirit.

A good first step is to admit that we don’t know it all. Then we have to ask God to show us what we are missing. Lastly we must keep our hearts tender so as to hear. See God often speaks through people, some of whom we have decided don’t have anything of value to say. Or we have simply become so familiar to their voice that we fail to hear God speaking through them.

Ignorance isn’t bliss. What we don’t know can indeed hurt us. Let’s not live life with hearts hardened and blinders on.

What a Jerk!

So the other day I’m driving through the Nantahala Gorge on my way to my parent’s house. For those of you who don’t have the privilege of calling Western North Carolina home let me paint a picture for you. The two lane road winds through the beautiful Blue Ridge Mountains along the banks of the Nantahala River. In the summer months both the road and the river are full of tourists and locals alike eager to experience the adventure the white water has to offer. It’s not uncommon to see skillful anglers waiting for a wary rainbow trout to hit their expertly presented fly. One of the best ways to take in the sights and the sounds is in an open air passenger car aboard the Great Smoky Mountains Railway. Needless to say it is a beautiful drive, but not the best route if you need to get somewhere in a hurry.

So as I’m navigating the twists and turns I notice a vehicle quickly approaching in my rear view mirror. There are several places to pull off to let others pass and I’m inclined to use them (and so should everyone else). I will state for the record that I was driving the speed limit plus 5. After all this is ‘Merica! Apparently this guy fancies himself a budding NASCAR driver because he was drafting me like Talladega Nights. Before I came to a place to let him pass he crossed the double yellow line and blasted by. What a knucklehead.

Of course since I’m a pastor my immediate response was to pray for him, speak blessings over his family and extend unconditional forgiveness… or not. I felt my blood pressure rising. Where did he need to go in such a hurry?! Who was he to put me and everyone else on the road in danger?! Why did he think that he was above the law?! NC’s finest often patrol this stretch of road. I could picture him pulled over, blue lights flashing, the bead of sweat forming on his brow as he calculated the cost as ‘the man’ handed him his well-deserved ticket. I should probably call *HP and get this menace to society off of the streets. After all it’s my civic duty. I owe it to every other law abiding citizen out there.

Except that I was speeding too. And it’s not my job to enforce the law. And I’m sure the guy in the other car hasn’t given it another thought. I’m the one wound up. I’m the one frustrated. What a jerk. Not him - ME! I let someone else into my head, into my heart and gave him the power to determine my state of being. So I had this thought… what if I didn’t care anymore? I’m not talking about people or important things but stuff that I have absolutely no control over. In reality this guy didn’t do anything to me. I wasn’t delayed, I didn’t wreck, we didn’t exchange communiqué via sign language.

What if I focused ONLY on the things that God has given me responsibility for and COMPLETELY trusted Him with EVERYTHING else? My guess is I’d definitely enjoy life’s scenic drives a lot more. I suppose you would too.